First off I wanted to share to really great books my teacher mentioned. They are:
'Parenting with Love and Logic' and 'Parenting with Love: Making a difference in a day' by Glenn L. Lathem. (Sorry I don't know the author of the first one)
Problems will always come our way. We can't always solve them. We can however learn how to handle them well.
1. With some problems we can simply let natural consequences teach the children. The lessons they learn this way usually have a longer lasting impact. There are three exceptions when you DO NOT want to rely on natural consequences teaching your children. Number one is when it is too dangerous. If your child or someone else is going to get hurt, then you need to step in and try to prevent that. Number two is when the consequences are too far in the future. Number three is when others are effected.
2. Another handing method is making polite requests. These help us respect our children and give them opportunities to have a say in what goes on.
3. Use 'I' messages: "When you_____ I feel_____ because____" or "I like____" This helps more understanding take place and the child doesn't feel so attacked.
4. Sometimes you have to use a strong message. The more you use these though, the less effect they have on a child each time, so the parent often ends up having to get stronger and stronger. So be careful with these.
5. Logical consequences. These are planned out in advance with the child. For example maybe a child keeps leaving their bike in the middle of the drive way. You can explain to them why that is a problem and then ask them what they think should happen if they keep leaving it there. Follow through with what you planned together and keep trying. Planning and talking together helps the child learn to solve problems and it helps a parent and child be on the same page.
Remember to give your children encouragement and catch them being good!!! We shouldn't only be telling them things they need to work on or what they are doing wrong. Remember that we are building relationships with our children, we aren't trying to control them.